Triumph Over Shyness: Conquering Shyness & Social Anxiety by Stein & Murray

Author:Stein & Murray
Language: rus
Format: mobi
Tags: Self Help, Health & Well Being, Nonfiction, Psychology
ISBN: 9780071389686
Publisher: McGraw-Hill Companies, The
Published: 2001-08-09T21:00:00+00:00

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Changing Your Behavior:

Facing Your Fears



The Key to Conquering Anxiety

Facing your fear is the best way to overcome anxiety. The idea is not new.

Most of us know the answer to the old question of what you should do if you fall off a horse. The correct answer is:

a. Shoot the horse.

b. Eat the horse.

c. Shoot the horse, then eat it.

d. Get back on the horse and ride again as soon as possible.

e. Sue the horse.

The correct answer, of course, is d. (Unless you live in France, in which case b is also acceptable, provided you’ve got the right wine.) Therapists routinely advise people to “get back on the horse” when they have experienced traumas such as motor vehicle accidents. The sooner you drive again, the sooner you will become comfortable with driving. The longer you avoid driving, the more your fear about driving will increase.

Using coping thoughts and managing physical symptoms won’t be

effective in the long run unless you also face your fears. Exposing yourself Chang ing Your B e hav ior : Fac ing Your Fear s

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Copyright © 2002 by The Anxiety Disorders Association of America.

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to your fear—or exposure therapy, as it is also known—is best accomplished step by step. This allows you to move ahead without having to endure situations where the anxiety is unusually high.

Avoidance Behavior Maintains Anxiety

We’ve talked about avoidance behavior, a strategy we learn early in life to keep ourselves out of uncomfortable or painful situations. We can hear you saying, “But I don’t avoid many of the situations that make me anxious!”

Some people don’t avoid anxiety-provoking situations, yet find their anxiety persists. Why does their anxiety continue even though they are facing their fears? The answer here often lies with more subtle types of avoidance. You may be physically present but still avoiding some important aspects of a situation. For instance:

♦ You go to school or work every day but avoid talking to certain people, such as fellow students you don’t know well or the head of your department.

♦ In a meeting or class you avoid eye contact with the person in charge so she or he won’t ask you a question.

♦ You avoid opportunities to go to coffee or lunch with your coworkers, or you go only with one or two you feel safe with.

♦ You listen to people discussing a topic you’re interested in, but avoid giving your opinion because you are afraid of saying something foolish or stumbling over your words.

♦ You go to a social gathering only if someone you know well and trust is there with you. You rely on that person to do most of the talking.

♦ You meet one or two people at a gathering and spend the whole time with them. You do not make an effort to speak to other people.

♦ You

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